One more - just ‘cuz….
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww……………………. - hahahahaha
June 26, 2008 at 10:06 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: cow kitt, fat cats, moo kitty
Cow cat is a distant relative to my fat boy, Moo Kitty.
This would be him….
Good Question - Why do you love me?
June 26, 2008 at 10:02 am (love)
Tags: boyfriend, love, sexy, wonder
So, here I am with all this work surrounding me, pondering how I’ve come to the place I’m currently occupying. I should really be typing my poor little fingers to the bone calculating returns for these poor, unsuspecting souls, but I am caught up in a conversation from the other night. I have a wonderful significant other who likes to catch me unawares and pose the kind of questions that require thought and meaning to the response. It gets me every time. Yet, when responding with the same question back, the same issues are posed - not enough time to think, am I saying this correctly? what will they think when I say this? is the feeling returned?
Funny enough, the adjective used for me is ‘genuine’. I guess that’s a good thing. I’m genuinely a pain in the butt from time to time. I’m genuinely a good cook. (insert pat on the back here) I’m genuinely a good mother. I genuinely pursue the educational goals I have set for myself. Oh yeah, and I’m pretty up front and speak my mind. Maybe that’s what it means. Also, what you see is what you get. I don’t spend a lot of time fakin’ it up for folks. It’s just not me and, to be honest, I’m too lazy for all that. It’s MUCH easier to be me and let you all decide for yourselves if you want to bother.
When this particular question comes into play - Why do you love me? - I freeze. The same old responses pop into my head. Because you’re you. Because you’re responsible. Because you’re honest. Because I can depend on you. Because you’re smart. Because you’re funny. Because you look darn good in those jeans. Because you make me smile. Because you’re there when I need you. Because my kid likes you. All of this is good and well, but truly, this could be any number of friends I have.
What particular thing makes one love another person? Is it a chemical balance? Is it a response to pheromones produced by their pores that comingle with your pores that just feels so right? Is it the way they smile when they look at you that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world and they can only smile that way because you are who you are? I have NO CLUE.
I do know that I am capable of loving, and that almost came as a shock to me since I had removed myself from that scene for a very long time. It feels great, and I believe that I have chosen someone who is very deserving of my love. I guess time will tell how it all plays out.
Thought Provoking - Forgiveness
June 17, 2008 at 10:00 am (A day in the life)
Tags: father, forgiveness, introspection, Jesus, religion
This is another secret off the website: www.postsecret.com. It’s a great site if you haven’t checked it out. There are some incredibly honest truths that are shared anonymously via this man, his books, and his site. Some are funny, while others hit closer to home.
This particular card was sent in time for Father’s Day, and it hit me. Hard. I am constantly struggling with my own inner demons, and this one brought back some memories that are not so warm and dear to my heart.
I know that the bible says we should forgive. I know that all of our sin debt was paid in full when Jesus died on the cross, and that I should not hold grudges. My problem is that I am human and am constantly striving to learn the lessons I am given. One of those lessons is learning to forgive.
My hope is that I will become this angelic creature that holds no ill will toward any other creature, living or dead. My desire is that I can release myself from the torment that was placed in my soul by this individual. My challenge is that I cannot let go enough to say, okay, you are forgiven. The tentacles of the past still cling to my heart with a strength that seems to be beyond my own. I tell myself that it will take time, and that could be the case, but my worry is that there is not enough time.
I can forgive most people in this world. There has only been one person in my life I have this struggle with and I hope to win this battle. I refuse to give any more energy to the thought of him or the wreckage that he caused. He has no power over me, and I will not allow even a breath to be given to him on my behalf.
With that said, my own spiritual struggle is emphasized. I should be a good enough person to forgive. I can never forget, but I inch closer and closer to forgiveness. Maybe, one day, I will have spent enought spiritual introspection to where I reach that pinnacle. That is my desire. I’ll have to think on it some more.
June 17, 2008 at 9:48 am (Uncategorized)
Sometimes I feel like I’m throwing a bucket of water on a huge fire - at work. Okay, most of the time.
