We made it through another week!!!!

July 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm (Work)
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cat

I thought for a moment that I wouldn’t make it.  I thought for a second that I would be forced to unleash my frustration on my friends and coworkers.  I thought for an instant that I might just be inclined to remove the life from my daughter’s body.  I thought for a flash that I just might fall asleep and never wake up.  And then 4:00 hit on Friday.  I’m so close to being off work that I can literally taste it.  And it tastes like the best thing ever.  It tastes remotely like freedom with just a touch of relaxation and a dash of happiness thrown in there.  It is better than fresh popped popcorn and a large, ice cold Coke at your favorite movie theater and better than that just out of the oven peach cobbler your momma makes.  I tell you, it’s absolutely heavenly.

This week will definitely NOT be featured on The Best Week Ever, and you won’t see my smiling, glowing face on advertisements for my workplace, telling  you how grand life is when you are employed here.  Nope, it’s fair to say that this week was hellacious - truthfully, close to actual Hell.  Yeah, that’s a safe analogy.  It was the first week of 2nd Summer term, of which I am subjecting myself to a class - woo freakin’ hoo.  A coworker of mine got relocated to another part of the office which was an incredible change.  Another coworker of mine is leaving for greener pastures - wish you luck!!!  but I’ll miss her.  I actually did apply for that one job that I didn’t tell you all about….hehehe - maybe later.  My tummy sucks and it’s been sucking pretty badly all week.  My kid has lost her mind momentarily, and hopefully she will find it before I get home.  Hmmmm, that’s about all I can think of right now.  I’m sure I’ll come up with more later.

So, YEAH - I’m freakin’ grateful for Friday, and for the fact that 19 minutes from now, I will be walking my happy butt to my car so that I can go fall onto my couch or bed, whichever I hit first and have a complete meltdown.  Care to join me?

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Mother’s Day - a weekend in review

May 12, 2008 at 2:38 pm (A day in the life)
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grounded.jpg grounded! image by tarasam1992

 

Hmmmm, Mother’s Day, another day devoted to celebrating what somebody has done….  similar to Father’s Day, Independence Day, Grandparents’ Day, MLK Jr Day.  The funny thing is, you can give birth and you get a day.  I suppose you really have to do something well, in order to reap the benefits; breakfast in bed, a cute card made by your child, a hand-made coupon book for washing dishes, cars, and clothes, or some other such crafty loveliness. 

If you really want to capitalize on these sweet bennies, you probably should not have put your child on restriction the week before said holiday.  I know, I know, it was poor planning on my part, but I was fairly sure she was going to be the kind and gentle darling I know her to be and make SOME kind of effort on this day, considering the fact that she is a spoiled rotten child who gets almost whatever she wants….but no, I was wrong - I can admit that. 

I had the privilege of cooking breakfast and asking her to do her chores around the house.  I was special enough to get her motivated to leave the house to enjoy a wonderful Mother’s Day cookout at a friend’s house, and then, she was treated with a viewing of the new movie, Iron Man, which rocked by the way….  Yeah, Mom’s Day was fun, but I think my household missed the point.  Oh well, maybe she’ll hook me up for Father’s Day……

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That’s just my baby daddy….

May 7, 2008 at 6:17 pm (A day in the life)
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donor.jpg Perfect Sperm Donor image by tinbird_01

 

Yeah, so, it’s time for me to vent.  Get ready for it…..  here comes the typical single parent tirade against the absent parent who contributes nothing toward the child’s well-being, so if you want to skip out, that’s the summary.  If not, then here ya go….

My sweet, wonderful, beautiful, caring, demonic daughter is 12 years old, if you didn’t already get that from previous postings.  She is smart as all hell, and has a great personality, and I don’t mean that to say that she’s ugly, just to say that she can give and take a good, playful round of sh!t talking.  I thoroughly enjoy her when she’s not on my last nerve. 

That being said, she truly loves her father.  She holds the man on a pedestal like none other I’ve seen before.  In her eyes, the man hung the moon, the stars, the sun, and was standing next to God when he said, “let there be light”.  What the Bible doesn’t tell you is that baby daddy said, “yeah.  do it, man.”  My point is this:  She idolizes her father, and he can do NO WRONG.  What the heck is that all about??? 

For single parents everywhere, I must take this stand.  We are the ones day in and day out teaching the kids how to operate in the real world.  We are teaching them right from wrong and correcting the mis-turns along the way.  We are spending our last dime on milk to make sure they can eat their cereal before going to school every morning, and we are the ones who have to dry their tears when the absent parent doesn’t follow through on their promises to come visit, or to take them to the park, or even to CALL them.  We do that.  We are NOT perfect, and I’ll be the first person to admit this, but dammit, they need to step up.  Since when is it okay to let people down?  Employers don’t allow that.  You have deadlines, you meet them.  The government doesn’t allow that.  You have taxes, pay them.  Girlfriends and boyfriends don’t allow that.  You mess up, you’re dumped.  WHY is it okay to let your own KIDS down????? 

The poor little people don’t understand that you’re just a messed up individual and don’t really give a damn about anyone but yourself.  They love unconditionally and continue to believe that you don’t mean to be jerkoff.  I, on the underhand, have understood these facts for a number of years, but I DO NOT attempt to open my daughter’s eyes.  Does that make me a bad parent?  I encourage her to love her father, and I continue to wipe her tears, but I’m not going to shatter her fairytale image of her dad.  I figure she will one day reach an understanding that he’s not worth the effort, but it’s not a conclusion that I need to draw for her.  She’s a smart girl and that will be a painful lesson, but heck, she’s been learning it all of her life, poor thing.

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Teenage syndrome

April 28, 2008 at 3:08 pm (A day in the life)
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K from Gizmo to Spike

I’m not 100% sure I’m ready for my daughter to become the American monster known as a teenager.  I can see her morphing before my eyes and it becomes more and more evident that the infection is spreading.  Her responses are becoming monosyllabic and her moods swing like a pendulum on a 5 second interval.  The tears fall without warning, conscious thought, or purpose - however remote.  Occasionally I catch a glimpse of the original child that I have encouraged to grow and learn beyond her dreams, but that is too rare to account for.  She has become Spike from Gremlins, and is no longer the cute little Gizmo I have come to love.  I swear I didn’t feed her after midnight or get her wet - she did this all on her own.

Enter - Boys.  This is the key to the hell I am entering and I can sense it like a momma bear senses you coming near her baby cubs.  And yes, I’ll claw your eyes out and rip your head off too, if you pose a threat to my little monster.  But no, I don’t want this to start yet.  They are sniffing around and asking her to be their girlfriend.  They are giving her their bracelets and texting her on her cell phone.  They are being invited to cookouts and meeting the parents.  This is NOT something I want to encourage, but the dance has begun and I just need to ride it out.  Luckily for me, she’s still at the stage where it’s awkward with boys.  They travel in packs and sit on the other side of the room, while the gaggle of girls sit on their side of the room and whisper to each other about how cute the boys are.  Ugh….  Might I just add that the 12 year old boys in this day and age look about 21 and should all be shot on sight? 

I realize that I was given a girl by the grace of God and this entire experience is meant to teach me a thing or two or twenty and I have embraced this opportunity.  I ask only for the patience to not commit any acts of violence with regard to my daughter or any other child.  See my previous post about kids - not my favorite things in the world, but they are tolerable for the most part.  I just thank God for his trust in me with this young soul and pray for the strength i will need, the tolerance I will have to show, and the patience I will call upon in order to survive these dreaded times.  Oh yeah, and I will be filling up the office in my place in the near future with armor and weapons as the threats continue to multiply.  All I have to say is - bring it on.  I think I might be ready.

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Kids at work

April 25, 2008 at 1:49 pm (Work)
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for realzzzzzzzzz

Okay, I’ll be real with you all.  Most of the time, I just don’t like other people’s children.  I’m blunt about it, and I can accept my limitations. 

It’s time we all stop faking the funk and accept that we may not really like our co-workers’ or ex-coworkers’ children when they decide to roll through the office.  You know what I’m talking about.  Everyone who’s ever worked with anyone before has seen the pictures of the offspring, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, adopted kids, cousins, neighbors of their coworkers, or some variation thereof.  Really.  Sometimes they’re cute.  Most times they’re not.  Fresh babies - I’m talking newborns - are NEVER cute.  Accept it, new parents.  They may be the most amazing thing on the face of this big rock we call Earth, to YOU, but to us, they are squished up, wrinkly, shedding, scaley things that just came from somewhere gross and slimy, like really, really recently. 

 I do NOT want to hold your baby.  Ever.  Sorry to disappoint you.  If I want to hold a kid, I’ll go make one - I hear it’s the cool thing to do and all the trendsetters are doing it, but for now, I’ll pass.  Thanks.  They are also a DISRUPTION in the workplace.  I know this comes as a shock to many of you, but we’re being real here, right?  If you bring your child - I’m talking young children here, teens and preteens are generally a little less chaotic - into my general office area, a heavy majority of the production will come to a screaming halt.  The middle aged and not so middle aged individuals who are employed here will flock to your side like you’ve got the golden ticket and are trying to get everyone into the freakin’ chocolate factory.  They will squeal about how cute the kids are, how much hair they have, how funny the face they just made was (yea, we know it was gas) and how much they’ve grown since we’ve seen them last.  Now, God forbid the child should be capable of walking ‘cuz you and I both know you’re going to put them down and let them run from office to office, picking up whatever the heck they want and collecting candy from the other employees who may still be actually sitting at their desk (I know you’re shocked, some of us don’t drop everything to the pitter-patter of little feet).  Now, a momentary disruption is acceptable - I can’t knock it, but 20 minutes of baby talk is really about as much as a girl can take.  I actually have an example - don’t pretend to be shocked, it doesn’t suit you.

Yesterday - a previous employee at this lovely facility I am excited to call my workplace took the opportunity to drop by the office with her 3 year old and her 18 month old.  Granted, these were actually cute kids.  BUT - they stood outside my office along with 75% of the other employees here exclaiming about how ADORABLE and SWEET the kids were for some insane amount of time not calculated.  I heard more babytalk than my uber-strong stomach could take and I had to leave.  As I’m leaving my office, seeking refuge from the deluge of child adulation, the 3 year old says to my coworker, “who was that?”  her response, ” That’s Jennifer - Did she not say hello to you????”  Insert sugar-sweet tone and honey dripping from her bottom lip here.  That elicited an eye roll and the sound of the door closing as I exited the vacinity.  COME ON PEOPLE.  Kids are not an anomoly - they are pretty common - I bet you can see one if you go to the grocery store.  Heck you could probably buy one.  I won’t even get into the airplane experiences…. I’ll save that for another time.

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