Hmmmm – Decisions & Timing
I think it’s so incredible how everything in this world goes around and comes back around. I’ve alluded a few times to a breakup I’ve recently experienced and the resulting heartbreak. You’ve read/felt that in previous blogs or on my myspace if you’re an avid follower or friend. You may even have first hand knowledge of the resulting depression and insecurity or randomness that followed.
In a nutshell – I did some things that weren’t good, he did some things that weren’t good – he cut me out of his life. It was very blunt and painful. We were very much in love and every day of our lives revolved around each other. I have not experienced such pain – regardless of the ways other relationships ended. It was brutal. It’s been about 3 months and I’ve survived. I’ve begun feeling more like ME again and started to date again. This last week, he decides to tell me again how much he loves me and how he is ready to work on us being together again. As much as my heart would LOVE to go back to what we initally had, that is impossible. There has been such pain that I cannot entertain the idea. The break has to be clean and we have to move on. That was the decision and that’s where we stand. It’s just amazing that now, at Christmas and New Years, is when he decides this. I can’t even begin to entertain the concept. So much of my loss in my life resonates at this time of the year, that I couldn’t give such a thing the time of day.
I’ve recently started talking to a new beau and we have great conversations and enjoy each other. I am so, incredibly guarded with him though. My heart still remembers the recent scars and doesn’t want to even venture there again. These new conversations are making them pulse and I am so afraid. I like it, I don’t, I like it, I don’t… UGH….. I thought being a teenager was DONE a long time ago….
