So, here I am with all this work surrounding me, pondering how I’ve come to the place I’m currently occupying. I should really be typing my poor little fingers to the bone calculating returns for these poor, unsuspecting souls, but I am caught up in a conversation from the other night. I have a wonderful significant other who likes to catch me unawares and pose the kind of questions that require thought and meaning to the response. It gets me every time. Yet, when responding with the same question back, the same issues are posed - not enough time to think, am I saying this correctly? what will they think when I say this? is the feeling returned?
Funny enough, the adjective used for me is ‘genuine’. I guess that’s a good thing. I’m genuinely a pain in the butt from time to time. I’m genuinely a good cook. (insert pat on the back here) I’m genuinely a good mother. I genuinely pursue the educational goals I have set for myself. Oh yeah, and I’m pretty up front and speak my mind. Maybe that’s what it means. Also, what you see is what you get. I don’t spend a lot of time fakin’ it up for folks. It’s just not me and, to be honest, I’m too lazy for all that. It’s MUCH easier to be me and let you all decide for yourselves if you want to bother.
When this particular question comes into play - Why do you love me? - I freeze. The same old responses pop into my head. Because you’re you. Because you’re responsible. Because you’re honest. Because I can depend on you. Because you’re smart. Because you’re funny. Because you look darn good in those jeans. Because you make me smile. Because you’re there when I need you. Because my kid likes you. All of this is good and well, but truly, this could be any number of friends I have.
What particular thing makes one love another person? Is it a chemical balance? Is it a response to pheromones produced by their pores that comingle with your pores that just feels so right? Is it the way they smile when they look at you that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world and they can only smile that way because you are who you are? I have NO CLUE.
I do know that I am capable of loving, and that almost came as a shock to me since I had removed myself from that scene for a very long time. It feels great, and I believe that I have chosen someone who is very deserving of my love. I guess time will tell how it all plays out.
